Craving Clarke
by Moreorlez
Summary: Lexa is not taking Clarke's absence well. She may need a helping hand to deal with it. (Set before season 3) Clexa one shot. Lexa's POV. Lexa & female grounder.
**Basically Lexa trying to blow off some steam with a cute female grounder (thanks to Titus)**

* * *

Two months without seeing Clarke, two months after Lexa betrayed her and broke her own heart in the process, two months without a word from her.

Lexa was going insane with conflicting emotions running deep inside of her and the worry of not knowing if Clarke was doing alright. At first she was relieved when she found out Clarke survived and defeated the Mount Weather people. However, that was short lived after she was informed Clarke left Arkadia to wander alone to unknown destinations. That triggered feelings of anguish and helplessness again and quite frankly it was starting to take its toll.

Lately the coalition meetings ended up in screaming matches forcing Titus to call for a break or canceling the meeting entirely, depending on the mood; on Lexa's mood.

This was one of those occasions and Lexa was infuriated, slumped on her throne feeling completely useless and unable to remove Clarke from her mind. It was really exasperating, she wished she could just stop thinking and be left alone. But of course there was no such luck for her at the moment.

"Heda." Titus approached her once the guards closed the doors "you can't continue this way; things are getting way out of control, you need to stay focused and get a hold of your ambassadors before they can take advantage of your weakness."

A grunt is the only response he gets from her. Lexa would have usually refuted these allegations but she didn't feel like having another confrontation and to be honest she thinks he is kind of right.

Due to the lack of a response, Titus takes the liberty to offer some unsolicited advice. "You are too tense to think clearly Heda; perhaps all you need is some relaxation, some… release," he gives emphasis to the last word.

Lexa snaps her head in his direction, flabbergasted. " _Is he really suggesting what I think he is?"_ She decides to make sure she's not imagining things. "What are you talking about Titus" she inquires glaring at him, her jaw tense.

At her reaction, Titus hesitates "well Lexa I'm – I'm merely recommending that you liberate some of the tension by finding a comely girl who…"

"Enough" Lexa exclaims lifting a hand. When she watches Titus recoiling a bit uncomfortable, she continues with the certainty he was indeed talking about sex. "I don't want to discuss these matters with you anymore Titus."

"As you wish Heda" He bows his head.

Eager to avoid any further embarrassment Lexa orders without looking at him "go and get the nightbloods ready for training, I'll be there in awhile."

"Yes Heda."

Once he was gone, Lexa lets out a long frustrated sigh. She leans her head back clutching the sides of her throne with force.

The day has just begun and she already had a heated argument and an awkward exchange. But worse of all is that despite all that, she still can't stop thinking about Clarke.

" _This is gonna be a long fucking day."_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later that night with her duties of the day fulfilled and freshen up, she is getting ready for bed when there is a sudden knock on her door.

Her heart skips a bit at the prospect of news about Clarke's whereabouts.

"Come in!" she commands immediately.

The door opens but there's no messenger or guard, there instead is a girl standing in the threshold.

Lexa can't hide her disappointment but quickly her discontent morphs into confusion.

The girl catches her expression and starts speaking "Heda" she bows her head, "Titus has sent me here" it's her short explanation.

" _Titus, of course."_ Lexa has to conceal the urge to roll her eyes. She actually contemplates the idea of sending the girl away, telling her that she doesn't need her "attention." But the girl looks so nervous and mortified as it is and it seems she took her time getting ready for the occasion that Lexa doesn't have the heart to reject her.

"Come in and close the door" she instructs stopping what she was doing and sitting on the bed.

When the girl walks bashfully to the middle of the room, Lexa takes the opportunity to study her more closely. She recognizes her as one of the stable girls, the one she has occasionally eyed while checking on her horses. Apparently she has not been too subtle with her leering since Titus caught on to it.

There is no denying the girl is beautiful, more so as she is now well groomed. And the gown she chose for the night – and seemingly the only garment she is wearing- leaves nothing to the imagination.

" _Perhaps I can indulge just this one time"_ Lexa considers; after all, the girl is already here and maybe at least for a few hours she can stop thinking about…

"Come closer" Lexa orders trying to erase the blonde from her thoughts.

The girl does as she is told and doesn't stop until she is in front of her.

It is then Lexa can make out the girl is trembling. Looking for a way to ease her anxiety she asks "what is your name?"

"Myra" comes the shy reply.

Lexa stands up making the girl gasp at how close they are. She raises Myra's chin until their eyes meet. "Relax Myra, I'm not gonna hurt you." Rubbing Myra's jaw with her thumb, Lexa leans in and kisses the girl.

The kiss is not soft nor tender on the contrary it is open mouthed and rough as Lexa wants to make clear this is just about pleasure and physical need.

Myra moans into Lexa's mouth, unintentionally boosting Lexa's ego.

It's no secret to Lexa, she is desired by both men and women. She is aware she is attractive; and the fact she is Heda only adds to her sex appeal. But right at this moment when she feels hollow, having this beautiful girl in her chambers wanting her, reminds her she is alive and worth it.

Wasting no time Lexa removes Myra's gown. Giving a quick appreciative glance at the body, she proceeds to get rid of her own gown leaving her only in her panties.

For her part, Myra can't help ogle the taut and muscular-yet feminine- body of Lexa. And Lexa allows the flattering admiration without restriction.

After a minute or so, Lexa sits back on the edge of the bed, pulling Myra by her hips towards herself. The smell of arousal invading her nostrils sends an unexpected shiver down her spine. It has been awhile since Lexa has been intimate with a woman but she doesn't let her urges take control over her actions.

Lexa gently runs her hands over the contours of Myra to familiarize herself with the body. Next she moves her hands to the front, caressing the flat stomach and then reaching to grab full breasts. It is then her concentration begins to falter; imagining what it would be like to touch Clarke's body instead.

Myra lets out sounds of enjoyment at the touches of her Heda, her hands tight at her sides to avoid reaching for the woman, not knowing if she is permitted to even do so.

The way Myra is reacting spurs Lexa's fantasies. ' _Would Clarke's skin feel this soft? Would she make the same sounds when she is being touched?'_ Lexa can't take it anymore; she moves her hands to her own legs and pats her lap signaling for the girl to sit on her.

Myra doesn't need to be told twice, straddling Lexa in an instant and supporting herself by wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

The girl has barely found a comfortable position when Lexa envelopes her in her arms and leans in to take a nipple into her mouth. And she gets her self-reward after Myra starts emitting high pitched noises. Lexa hums at the response and closes her eyes letting her imagination take over, eager to pleasure her as if she were Clarke. She licks and sucks the nipples while one of her hands move to the center of Myra.

The wetness Lexa encounters there causes her to rush her fingers and after a few brief seconds of coating them in hot moisture she plunges two fingers deep inside Myra.

" _Could I make Clarke get that wet?"_ Lexa couldn't help wondering as she applied pressure on her fingers, enjoying the way Myra started bouncing at the contact. And she is so lost in her musings that she is actually surprised when she feels Myra contracting on her fingers.

Seconds later a strangled cry followed by a loud moan and the trembling of her body announced the evidence of Myra's orgasm.

Lexa, who brought Myra's body to hers so the girl could have something to hold on to, sports a smug smile on her face. " _That was fast"._ The sole idea of making Clarke come this fast turns her on very much.

Soon after, having already come down from her high, Myra pulls away.

"uh, I'm sorry, I…" she tries to verbalize; ashamed and flushed.

"It's fine" Lexa interrupts. "I enjoyed it" she assures softening her facial features.

Blushing, Myra smiles looking down to gather herself. Clearing her throat after a second she looks back at Lexa "your turn."

At this Lexa hesitates, opening her mouth to object but decides against it at the last minute. She nods and detaches from the girl, supporting her weight on the bed with her arms instead.

Myra bites her lip appreciating her commander's body. She then glances at green eyes, slowly leaning down asking for silent permission to continue, when Lexa doesn't oppose she connects her mouth with Lexa's neck. Myra begins tentatively at first; nipping the skin but as she notices Lexa's breath speed up she grows bold and grabs both her breasts immediately squishing them in her palms.

Lexa gulps, her body inevitably responding to the ministrations. Again, she lets her mind take her to a place where Clarke is the one on top of her, roaming her hands over her, kissing her. She closes her eyes and throws her head back when Myra licks and sucks on her nipples.

Meanwhile, Myra moves a hand over Lexa's abs tracing them teasingly, clearly having in mind another destination.

It feels so good to Lexa and she is almost lost in the sensation until she realizes where Myra is going. A sudden sense of guilt takes over her at that moment; bringing back the memory of all that happened in the past months: the day she met Clarke, how she rapidly started developing feelings for her, the kiss… the look in the blonde's eyes begging her not to leave her in Mount Weather.

It is the last image that does it; that completely dismantles her inside; making her feel that she doesn't deserve physical satisfaction, she doesn't deserve bliss; not after what she has done to the only girl who broke down her walls, not until she is in front of her and shows her how much she…

Myra's fingers have slipped under the waistband of Lexa's panties, about to connect with wetness when a hand lands on top of them.

"Stop."

The voice startles the girl causing her to jolt.

"Stop just… don't." Finally Lexa herself takes over the task of removing the hand from of her groin.

Myra stays frozen in place with fear clearly written all over her face.

Taking deep breaths, Lexa notices Myra's state. She sighs knowing the girl is probably horrified, thinking she has done something to upset her. A little more calmed down and with a clearer mind Lexa speaks.

"Hey, it's OK; you did nothing wrong." Lexa tries to sound assertive.

Not one to doubt her Heda's word Myra nods, immediately climbing off Lexa's lap and sitting next to her.

They remain still and in silence for awhile.

Lexa is submerged in her own thoughts until Myra's voice brings her back to the present.

"Is it Wanheda, right?"

The question catches Lexa completely off guard; she slowly cranes her neck to face Myra, doing her best not to appear as stunned as she is.

' _Does everybody know how I feel? Am I that transparent, that obvious?'_

Anger starts to crawl deep within her at the thought she is actually as weak as all Azgeda seems to believe. She is ready to kick Myra out before she can humiliate herself even more but the words she hears next stops her dead in her tracks.

"I mean… she's pretty" Myra remarks timidly, adding a shrug for good measure.

Any traces of animosity leave Lexa's body at the innocent admission. She even feels the corners of her lips barely pull up into a smile. Still, she refrains from replying.

At not getting any response and unable to witness the commander gloomy anymore, Myra reaches with her hand for Lexa's arm and says "I'm sure she is OK Heda. She is a strong woman; she defeated the mountain people by herself. Surely Wanheda can handle the woods with her power and wit. You'll hear some news about her soon, you should not worry" she finalizes giving a light squeeze to Lexa's bicep.

This time Lexa nods acknowledging the attempt of consolation.

Satisfied with what she could do, Myra stands up and is about to walk away when Lexa finally replies.

"Wait… you don't have to go."

Myra turns around fixing her eyes on Lexa's face, questioningly.

Realizing how it may have come across, Lexa adds not wanting to sound desperate "It's-it's late and besides I don't really want to hear what Titus has to say if he doesn't see you leaving in the morning."

At this Myra chuckles.

Lexa sighs relieved the girl seemed to buy the story. She was already having a hard time admitting to herself that she didn't want to be alone tonight; making it obvious would've been worst.

Setting her worries aside, Lexa signals with her head for the girl to climb into bed with her, which she does readily.

When Myra lies down on her side, Lexa positions herself behind Myra spooning her. She then covers them both with the furs.

Exhausted mentally and physically they fall sleep immediately.

The next morning Myra woke up to an empty bed. She ponders for a moment whether to stay until Lexa tells her otherwise or just leave the room. At the end she chooses the second option and she hastens to stands up. She is surprised though when she finds her gown and a coat on the chair next to the bed.

"Good morning."

Myra yelps almost dropping her gown; she didn't hear Lexa come in from the bathroom. "Go-good morning" she manages with eyes focused on the floor.

"Would you like to take a bath? I don't mind if you take one here" Lexa offers politely as she moves to grab what is missing on her usual attire.

"Uh; no, no that won't be necessary. Thank you" Myra replies as she dresses as fast as she can.

"You do know that nothing of what happened here can be heard past these walls, right?" Lexa states as a warning.

"Yes Heda I do" Myra bows her head solemnly.

Lexa nods accepting her gesture of submission and respect.

Already dressed Myra hesitates briefly before speaking "I won't take up any more of your time Heda; thank you for receiving me in your chambers, it has been an honor" she gives one more bow and begins walking toward the door. Suddenly a tug on her arm immobilizes her.

"Hey" Lexa turns the girl so she is facing her "I had a pleasant night Myra, thank you. I'm sure whoever you select as your partner will be lucky to have you" having said that she proceeds to kiss Myra's hand.

The color tinting Myra's cheeks is inevitable. She beams with delight at having served her Heda well. And the smile on her face remains even after Lexa opened the door chivalrously for her, letting her out.

XXXXXX

Half an hour later, Lexa goes into her throne room like any other day; only this time Titus is there barely containing a content smirk; irritating her even more.

"Heda." He bows his head in greeting "How are you feeling this…"

He doesn't get to finish his sentence as Lexa cuts him off abruptly.

"Don't you dare interfere in my intimate life this way ever again Titus; or there will be consequences. Do I make myself clear?"

Titus is taken aback by this reaction not expecting it at all. He gulps recognizing the seriousness of the threat so he rushes his answer "My apologies Heda, it won't happen again."

Glad the man is somehow intimidated she utters next "Now I want you to tell the guards that no one is to disturb me until I say otherwise, including you" Lexa glares at him pointedly.

"O-Of course Heda." Titus can't walk fast enough to get out of there.

Finally alone in the silence of her throne room; Lexa steps out onto her balcony to breathe some air and try to cool her thoughts. She looks down at the expanse of her domains, the city of Polis and the regular routine of her people. Even with all her power and greatness, at this moment she has never felt so small so hopeless; even with all that is happening and the problems that lie ahead, her mind can only focus on one person, on one face. It can only mean one thing; a thing she has been fighting to admit all these months but she's had enough; she can't deny her feelings anymore. Containing the tears that threaten to spill from her eyes; she swallows, looking up towards the sky in a silent prayer.

' _Clarke where are you? I miss you, I need you… I love you'_


End file.
